As the Pain Sweeps Through
by Destined Darkness
Summary: Sarah's falling and Jareth's there to catch her. Yeah... I can't be bothered trying to think up something cool... like I couldn't be bothered getting out of my pj's today. Go figure... Rating: T?
1. Falling

_So I was listening to the song earlier today and was thinking hard about it and decided to write this about it. _

_Does not own the songy... dumbies!_

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><p><em>As the pain sweeps through. <em>

_Makes no sense for you. _

_Every thrill has gone. _

_Wasn't too much fun at all. _

_But I'll be there for yo-u._

_As the world falls down. _

_Baboom, baboom, baboom. _she feels like she's breaking each time her shattered heart beats. She hisses as a cold pain goes through her each time she breathes. It hurts and the pain is the only thing that tells her she's alive, and she hates that. "I can't do it anymore… I just… I can't. I'm sorry, Toby." She says to no one as she looks down at the churning water below her. "I'm sorry they told me the world was a beautiful place. I'm sorry they filled my head with delusions of grandeur. I'm sorry they promised me it would never get this bad. I'm sorry I believed them. But I'm mostly sorry that I didn't stop them doing the same to you…" she says, "Forgive me." She whispers, closing her eyes and taking the plunge. She's falling, falling down and he's watching. He's just watching…

"Sarah?" he whispers as he watches her fall through his crystal. He bites his lip, something he'd never admit to doing even if someone was stupid enough to confront him about it. He takes a deep breath in. "Let her fall. It's her choice." He says aloud but a voice whispers in his head. _I'll be there for you..._ he shakes his head to clear it of the thought. "That was then…" _as the world falls down…_

She's screaming as she falls and then she's not falling anymore and she can't scream as her breath is forced out of her as she lands… in someone's arms? She takes a deep breath in and opens her eyes and starts screaming again when she sees who's holding her, only this time she's screaming his name… or more accurately, his title. He sighs and puts her down on his throne, shaking his head.

"Yes, hello, Sarah, bet you weren't expecting me, huh?" he says, as she takes deep breaths in and tries to calm herself down.

"Why?" she asks when she trusts her voice once more. "Why'd you save me?" he sighs heavily and tosses her a crystal which she catches. It shows her biting into the peach and her dream starting. She can hear him singing to her from the crystal and she smiles. "Oh." She says. He rolls his eyes and nods.

"Now would you like to inform one, such as myself, on why one, such as yourself, threw one, such as yourself, off that bridge?" he asks, she sighs and shakes her head.

"One, such as myself, would rather not inform one, such as yourself, of this matter that concerns only one, such as myself." She says, a small annoying smile forming on her face.

"Okay, we're done with that." Jareth says, referring to the 'one, such as…' thing they had been doing. "But I'd still really rather you told me why you tried to kill yourself. It might help me with trying to stop you from doing it again…" he says. Absentmindedly playing with a crystal.

"It was just one of those days where it seems like death is a better alternative to the pain of living…" she says with a shrug, the crystal vanishes as Jareth gives her a hard look.

"Sarah, you defeated my Labyrinth, you defeated _me,_ for god's sake, how could you just give up like that?" he asks, hands coming to rest on his hips. Sarah sighs and looks down at her lap.

"Because when I was running your Labyrinth I was doing it for Toby, when I jumped off the bridge, I was doing it for _me._" She says. Jareth frowns.

"How? How could that possible help you?" he asks, Sarah looks up at him with a sad smile.

"Because every breath is torture. Every heart beat is unbearable. Everyday brings more memories and the memories only bring pain and I just wanted it to stop." She says and as much as he wants to fault her, he can't, so he just sighs.

"Sarah. I'm not going to stop you again if you truly want this but… give me at least a year to try to get you to at least want to live again, please." He says, Sarah picks up the pleading in his tone and that alone makes her give him a nod of approval. "Thank you." He breathes and closes his eyes. He has one year to save the love of his life from taking her own.

_As the pain sweeps through. _

_Makes no sense for you. _

_Every thrill has gone. _

_Wasn't too much fun at all. _

_But I'll be there for yo-u._

_As the world falls down._

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><p><em>R&amp;R if I find time it'll be a multichapter :P :D <em>


	2. Forever's Not Long at All

Alright. I found some time... well actually I got bored with studying so I wrote... :D :A no one judge me... my attention span is shorter than that of a gold fish! :D

Anyway... This chapter and indeed this story from now on will be dealing with serious matters such as self harm, eating disorders, suicidal intentions and the like so yeah, you've been warned.

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><p><strong>Jareth's Point of View to Sarah<strong>

I've been watching you for days now; you wake in the morning, throwing pillows at the maids sent in to wake you, screaming they will die slow and painful deaths if they do not let you be. After five minutes, you roll out of bed and fall onto the floor; I guess this is because that way at least, when you fall this time, you are sure you can pick yourself up. You fall and then you use the bed to stand up, you moan about how you just wish you'd never woken up, you then disregard all modesty and walk around the castle in your nightwear for about an hour before I appear before you and send you back to your room to get changed.

After the start to the morning ritual, you will deny breakfast, no matter how much I try to get you to eat and no matter how many times I hear your stomach grumble and so starts the beginning of the end of the ritual. You will walk with me through the Labyrinth, retracing your steps from when you were here before. After this you will insist I take you back inside the castle where you will deny lunch, no matter how I try to convince you to eat, the argument ends when you snap that you "Shall never accept food from the sly dog who poisoned your favourite fruit and used it against you to try to make you lose your brother forever, which contrary to popular thought is actually quite f-ing long indeed…". After this little tantrum, you storm back to your room and I head off to attend my Kingly business of making sure the Goblins aren't destroying the place.

You are left to your own devices for a few hours up until 6 when I will fetch you for the evening meal which you will deny eating until I threaten that you can not leave the table until you eat something at least. This leads to you eating almost everything on your plate and then, I know you try to hide it, but I know, when dinner is over and I return you to your room at your own request, once you are quite sure I've headed off to do something Goblin King like, you tie back your hair and throw the food back up. I can't work out why you do this, Sarah. I can't work out why you ruin your body this way. You are beautiful, Sarah, you're beautiful and you'd be healthy if you ate and kept the food down but you don't.

At night, just before bed, I watch you sit at your bay window and you stare out into the darkness as you drag a blade across your skin, it always breaks the skin and causes your blood to run. The very first night you did this I had to fight myself to keep from rushing into your room, shaking you so hard you didn't know what was happening, and screaming at you until you admitted to yourself how stupid you were being. Each night you do this and you just stare out the window, the blade moving across your skin as you do and the blood just runs but you're always careful to make sure it does not get on anything that it will stain. When the blood finally stops running and you tear your gaze away from the stars, you hide your blade, a craft knife from what I've seen, under the cushions on the bay window, and then you crawl into bed. You may deny it but every night you look at your ceiling and you beg silently to the gods above to take you away, they don't.

Things are going to change, Sarah, things are going to change. I'm going to get you eating and drinking and I'm going to get you to stop cutting yourself and that's just the start. I'm not going to sit back and let you just destroy yourself anymore. I've watched you enough to know exactly what problems I need to fix and plans are forming on just how to fix them and, by god, Sarah, I will be damned before I let you do this to yourself anymore.

You are self-destructing, I get that, but I'm going to be the one who manages to override that self-destruct command. I'm going to save you, no matter what it takes, I promise you this, Sarah, I promise.

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><p><strong>Sarah's Point of View<strong>

I never asked for this. I didn't, I just sat back and it happened to me. I never wanted to look in the mirror and see someone looking back at me and knowing, in my heart, that that person was me and that person was fat and ugly beyond measure. I never asked that each day become as hellish and as long and never ending as the next. The days last forever but then… forever's not meant to be long now, is it?

I never asked that to know I'm alive, I have to hurt myself because if I'm not feeling pain then I'm dead, aren't I? When I'm not cutting, I'm just numb and when I'm not numb I'm in so much pain I think I've already died and gone to hell but then somehow I find myself going back to being numb and then I have to remind myself that I'm really alive and to do that I have to hurt myself so I do.

It didn't used to always be this bad, you know, there was a time, a time so, so very long ago where I was happy. It was a time that's but a distant memory now, a time I can barely remember living, the memories are so clear in my mind but… the emotional attachments aren't, I feel as if it was just a dream.

I'd completed Jareth's Labyrinth and gotten Toby back and everything was alright for about two years. Then Tobes got sick and we found out he had cancer. He started spending more and more time in hospital than out. Karen didn't know what to do and daddy started living at work because he couldn't come home and face knowing that his little boy was fighting for his life in the hospital and there was nothing he could do… and I withdrew from my friends because it's hard going out at night and spending every moment thinking your little brother is dying while you're having fun.

I watched my little brother go from being completely fine and laughing with me one minute to seeing him throwing up blood and unable to stop the next. The more I watched, the more I didn't want to and the more I found it harder to get myself up in the mornings.

He was three, he had the rest of his life ahead of him and now… now he's lucky if he even lives to be 15. Me? I'm 24 and I'll be lucky if I live to be 100. Life isn't fair, I know, I used to complain about it way back when but now… now it's true and I truly hate it.

There was a time, years ago, when I used to be able to consider myself pretty, but then things changed in my life and suddenly I couldn't believe I'd ever considered myself as such. Now I can't, I look in the mirror and no matter what, I see this… this ugly, horrid, mutated… _thing _staring back at me and so I try to change it, but I can't… it never seems to be perfect, I can never make myself beautiful, it just eludes me and so I keep trying but never succeeding.

I ask myself every day if maybe I should have let Jareth have Toby and that, maybe, if I'd done that, maybe Toby wouldn't be sick. Then I realize that no matter what, I was never going to have let Jareth just take my brother from me, at least not without a fight. I keep wondering if, had I taken my dreams, Toby would be alright and have still been with me even though he was meant to be sent to Jareth, because, surely Toby featured somewhere in my dreams for the future, right? And shouldn't that count for something? Anything? Anything at all?

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><p>R&amp;R and since, I have obviously made this a multichapter, I shall update as I get the time or inspiration or boredom or whatever... :D *beat* And I'll take that chocolate covered Jareth, please... :D Kehehe<p> 


	3. It Means Everything to Me

*gives an evil cackle* *beat* *coughs* Oh hello all :D

Thanks for the reviews and stuffs and here is an update :D

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><p>"Sarah, you need to eat." Jareth said as he watched Sarah from across the dinning table. It was dinner time and Sarah was having one of her lazy days.<p>

"No." she said in reply to Jareth as she hung her arms out the back of the chair and stretched her legs out under the table. Jareth sighed and gave a roll of his eyes.

"Sarah. You need to eat. If you refuse to eat Underground then I shall have to take you Above where you _will _eat." He said, twirling a crystal in his hands.

"No." Sarah said again. Jareth frowned and eyed the crystal in his hand; it floated away from him, towards Sarah where it circled around her as she watched it.

"Why won't you eat, Sarah?" he asked as the crystal floated in front of Sarah's face and showed Sarah images of all of her favourite foods. Sarah gulped and closed her eyes. The crystal dropped and landed on the table, transforming into a plate of chips and steak as it did, knife and fork appearing beside it. Sarah turned her head away from the mouth watering smell.

"Stop it." Sarah whispered desperation in her voice. Jareth just sent another crystal, this one transforming into a giant bowl of chocolate covered cookie dough ice-cream.

"You need to eat, Sarah." Jareth said again. Sarah opened her eyes and looked at the ice-cream, it had been so long since she'd had any and it was something she'd struggled to give up the most. Her hand reached for the spoon beside the bowl and Jareth couldn't help the twitch of his lips as she did this.

"No! It's my life and my body." She said, tugging her hand back into her lap. Jareth sighed.

_And your life is everything to me. _Jareth thought, it wasn't until Sarah froze and looked up at him that he realized he'd spoken out loud. He swallowed and looked away, he would not let this girl see how much it would hurt if she rejected him once more.

"Wh-what did you say?" Sarah asked, voice shaking along with her resolve. Jareth cleared his throat and looked her in the eye.

"Your life is everything to me, Sarah. It may mean bugger all to you, and I can't understand why that is, but it means everything to me. Why the hell else do you think I saved you? If it had been someone else, anyone else, I'd have let them fall but not you, never you. You were breaking and I didn't know, and when you fell, it was only by pure chance that I happened to be watching you and I knew that I would never, could never watch as you hit the ground…" he said, turning away from her again, unable to look at her anymore. They remained silent for a little while and then Jareth heard movement and the clattering of cutlery against dishware. He looked back to Sarah and found her eating the steak. He blinked in slight shock, not expecting that. "Sarah?" he whispered, she chewed and swallowed her mouthful before smiling at him.

"I told you before Jareth, I ran the Labyrinth for Toby, I suppose I can eat for you…" she said, cutting herself another piece of steak and stabbing the fork through a few chips. Jareth watched as she ate, his own meal forgotten as he became mesmerized with the girl he loved.

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><p>After dinner, Jareth asked Sarah if she wished to return to her room, she told him she'd rather spend the night around him and he couldn't help but smile as he lead her through the Labyrinth. They spent the night walking and talking and when Sarah returned to her room that night, she didn't throw up but she did cut herself just because she was sure that everything was too good to be true and she had to make sure that it was... true.<p>

Jareth went to bed that night, daring to believe that it could be so easy. He didn't even remember to watch Sarah in those crucial moments where he only just managed to keep himself from appearing in her room and snatching her blade out of her hands. He just lay back in bed and dreamed of his Sarah, the old Sarah, the Sarah he would fight to get back.

Things were starting to look up in Goblin Castle… or were they?

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><p>As short as this is, it needed to be sweet or sorta sweet cos the next chapter isn't as sweet... :P :D<p>

Annyway... R&R and yeah...


	4. Life is Not Fair, And it Never Has Been

Hey everyone! Here be the very... not sweet chapter... :nod: :D Don't kill me, please! Pretty please... it's the last day of term tomorrow... I wanna live and I have to go to University before I die, I really do.

You get this chapter now because I am awesome and amazing and I never take forever to update any of my stories... ever *cough* *somewhere Pinocchio's nose just grew about 1 metre long*

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><p>It had been two weeks since things had started to improve and she was happy, she was eating, she was sleeping, she was happy, and some nights she would forget why she was holding a blade, she'd put it down and crawl into bed and not hurt herself. But that was before he went away. He went away and she lost herself again. She was getting better, she was saving herself, and she was doing it… for <em>him.<em> But he went away… and there was no one to catch her when she fell…

**Day 1**

Sarah woke up, she was ecstatic; she felt all bubbly inside, it was something she hadn't felt in forever. She was smiling for the first time in a long time, and it was the first smile in a while that actually _meant _something more than just an 'I'm going to smile because otherwise I'll cry and then I'll have to explain what's wrong.' smile. It was a genuine smile. She skipped her way to the kitchen and greeted the cook, asking if she'd seen Jareth around. The cook frowned.

"Sarah, darling. Jareth left this morning. He had an important meeting with the High Council; he probably won't be back for the next few days. Didn't he tell you?" she said. Sarah's smile slowly faded and her eyes stung with unshed tears. She'd heard this before only then it was her step mum telling her that her dad was away on a 'business' trip and wouldn't be home for a while.

"He left?" she asked in a whisper, the cook nodded and watched sadly as Sarah started shaking and she backed out of the room. "T-thanks, Constance." She said, spinning on her heel and racing away. Once she was back in her room, she screamed, sliding down the back of the closed door, one hand tangled in her hair, the other clawing down her face. She couldn't do this. She wouldn't do this, not again. "He left…" she whispered voice nearly inaudible. "H-he left." The 'me' left unsaid in her mind.

She'd promised she wouldn't do this to herself anymore, promised she wouldn't let anyone close, promised she wouldn't _care_ anymore because it wasn't worth it when they left her; nothing was ever worth the pain it caused. She crawled back into bed and would not move for the rest of the day, she couldn't find the will to move, not anymore.

_And just when I thought I loved him…_ she thought as she fell asleep.

**Day 2**

She was back to square one; she wouldn't eat, she struggled to get out of bed and she was back to cutting. She woke up and just cradled the craft knife to her chest and every now and then she'd slide the blade up and make a small incision on her skin but then she'd go back to hugging the knife. She only did it because she wasn't sure if she was still alive or not.

**Day 3**

Sarah woke up in a reminiscent mood, she spent 5 hours just remembering all the good times with Toby, she spent the next 6 remembering all the bad times. The next 5 were spent asking 'What if' questions and the next 8 were spent with Sarah just sleeping, dreaming about all the times she wished she'd let Jareth just take her brother away with no fuss, no fuss at all.

**Day 4**

She couldn't do it anymore, it had been four days and he still hadn't come back. Sarah watched the sun go down outside her window and she scowled. She took up her craft knife and sat at the bay window looking into the night. She closed her eyes and brought the blade up to her neck, she took a deep breath in and pressed down with the knife.

"STOP! SARAH! Please, goddess, stop!" she heard his voice, his voice calling her name, telling her to stop. She spun, eyes opening and the knife fell from her hands as she saw him standing in her doorway. He was breathing heavily as he slumped against the doorway. "Thank the goddess…" he whispered in relief.

"You came back?" Sarah asked, sitting frozen. Jareth looked over at her again and sighed.

"Sarah…o-of course I came back, this is my home, I am the king; of course I came back." He said, vanishing to appear on the edge of Sarah's bed, watching her.

"You didn't say goodbye…" she said, looking away from him and out the window. "Why didn't you say goodbye? If you were leaving, you should have said goodbye, why does no one ever say goodbye anymore?" Sarah said, eyes filling with tears and voice shaking. Jareth blinked at Sarah, a frown forming on his face.

"Sarah?" he said gently. "What happened? Why do you do this? Why did you ever start doing this?" he asked, Sarah looked back over to him, her eyes confused.

"What? You mean this?" she said pulling up the bottom of her shorts to show the cuts on her thighs. Jareth frowned at the newer cuts that hadn't been there when he left, and there were a lot of them, but he nodded. Sarah gave a small smile. "Because… the world isn't fair Jareth." She said. Jareth sighed.

"Yes, dear, we established _that_ yearsago. But why now?" he said, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice. Sarah sniffed.

"Because life isn't fair, Jareth. Life is not fair, and it never has been, and it's never going to be. One night you can be tucking your little brother into bed and wishing him goodnight and telling him if he's naughty, goblins will come and take him away, and then the next night, you're sitting by his bedside in the hospital because he has collapsed and is showing no sign of waking. And many nights after that, you're lying in your own bed at home, medical words, you should never even know, unless you're a Doctor, swirling through your mind as you apply them all to your brother, your little brother. And then many nights after that, you awake to the sound of your parents fighting and arguing as they break because they're not coping, and then you hear the door slam as your dad heads out of the house to flee to his work, then you listen as your step-mum cries herself to sleep. And nights after that, you find yourself not eating because why should you eat when eating won't help anyone but yourself? You find yourself not sleeping because why bother sleeping when it won't help your little brother? You find yourself starting to feel numb and then you have to find some way to assure yourself you're still alive, so you start to hurt yourself because what better way to tell yourself you still live than doing something that makes you _feel_ alive?" she says, voice growing cold and lifeless. She stares into nothing as she speaks. "Life isn't fair, Jareth. That is why I do this!" she said. Jareth blinked and swallowed heavily.

"Sarah?" he questioned, "What's wrong with Toby?" he asked. Sarah shrugged and made a face.

"Cancer." She says with a sigh. "He was only three when he was diagnosed, Jareth, that means I only got two years with him! Two god damn years, Jareth! Do you know how that feels? I ran your damn Labyrinth to get him back. My prize was I got to keep my brother… but only for two years. Two stinking years. They were nothing if a poor substitute for the pain that was on the damn doorstep!" she said, anger dripping from her voice.

"I'm so sorry, Sarah." Jareth whispered, in evident shock. Sarah sobbed and rage flared in her eyes.

"Oh you're _sorry._" She scoffed, "Like I haven't heard _that _before. 'Oh I'm sorry, Sarah, that your little brother has cancer.'" She mocked. "'Girl, I'm sorry your brother is sick.'" She said with a roll of tear filled eyes. "'I am sorry. The treatment has failed.'" She said, acting as an educated doctor. "I'm sorry your brother is going to die.' Everyone is sorry because they feel relieved it's not THEM!" she screamed, slamming her head against the window, tears trailing down her face. "Everyone says sorry even though they know it won't do anything, even though they know there's no point. Everyone says sorry because they know you can't help but envy them and their perfect lives, their healthy brothers and sisters and children and family. Everyone says sorry because they can't exactly just say 'This isn't personal, but I'm glad it happened to you and not me.' Sorry changes nothing, Jareth. _You_ change _nothing._" She whispered. Jareth closed his eyes and held the bridge of his nose.

"Sarah. You can't keep doing this though. Hurting yourself doesn't help Toby." He said, not expecting it when Sarah shot to her feet, tossing the bay window pillows aside.

"NOTHING HELPS TOBY! DON'T SPEAK OF HIM AS IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING! DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK AS IF YOU KNOW! YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU COULD NEVER KNOW!" she screamed, voice breaking. Jareth took a deep calming breath in as Sarah deflated and sunk back onto the seat.

"Then help me to understand, Sarah." He said, disappearing and appearing on the ground before her, he took her hands into his own and held them as she looked into his eyes. "Help me to understand." He said again, Sarah shook her head.

"You can never understand." She said pulling her hands from his and getting to her feet, she walked out the door. Jareth just watched her go then hung his head. _This is all my fault. _he thought.

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><p>R&amp;R<p> 


	5. BelievedI Could Cure It All For You Dear

_Hi everyone! Don't worry! This be not the last chapter... I think... :P And I should be back to writing in third person after this... :P I just loves me my second person :D *angel face* _

_I do not own the song, it's Sleeping Beauty by A Perfect Circle and it always makes me cry :P _

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><p><em>Delusional, I believed I could cure it all<em>  
><em>For you dear<em>  
><em>Coax or trick or drive or<em>  
><em>Drag the demons from you<em>  
><em>Make it right for you, Sleeping Beauty<em>  
><em>Truly thought I could magically heal you<em>

_Far beyond a visible_  
><em>Sign of your awakening<em>  
><em>Failing miserably to rescue<em>  
><em>Sleeping Beauty<em>

_Drunk on ego_  
><em>Truly thought I could make it right<em>  
><em>If I, kissed you one more time to<em>  
><em>Help you face the nightmare<br>__But you're far too poisoned for me…_

So many hours, days, weeks, _months _have gone by since you left and Sarah descended into her depression again. So many hours spent trying to coax her into talking to you. So many nights spent watching her brutalise herself. So many weeks wondering where the time went. And so many months falling into the trap that had already opened up and captured her.

You were too distracted by her to notice the signs, the little hints that should have sent the alarm bells ringing but you missed them or just dismissed them as being your mind playing tricks and the alarms didn't go off and now you were trapped too. It was only when you found it a major struggle to get out of bed every morning that you noticed something was off. It was the way your magic felt drained even though you hadn't even used it yet. It was the way you just wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep until the ending of the world. It was the way you didn't much feel like singing, like breathing. It was the way you looked at Sarah and could feel and could understand her pain, the way you couldn't judge her for what she was doing anymore.

With the realization came the panic, and you developed an unhealthy habit of running your hand through your hair, clawing at it more like, and swallowing heavily whenever something unnerved you or when you felt your mask slipping, for you have to wear a mask. Sarah can't know you're falling too, the goblins can't know they're losing you, you can't let yourself see just how much you're breaking, how much Sarah is breaking you…_ again._

On the day you're told Sarah's tearing up her room and ripping everyone's heads off if they even try to calm her down, you realize you just don't… care anymore. You can't care anymore. If Sarah wants to get angry, let her get angry. If Sarah wants to die, let her die, why should you care? It's her choice. And this chills you right to your blackening heart. When did you stop caring about Sarah? When did you stop loving her?

You throw a crystal at your wall to try to get rid of some of the anger that boils inside you when you realize you're losing it. Then suddenly you're destroying your room and ripping peoples heads of if they try to calm you down too. And this makes you realize that you're becoming just like Sarah and that scares you, it scares you so much your body freezes up and your mind screams at you to just leave, get out, to let Sarah destroy herself if she wants to because you can't save her if it's going to destroy you too. You have a realm to look after, goblins to look after, people to look after, Wished Aways to collect, Wisher Aways to torment, you can't be broken, not again.

And then you find yourself in Sarah's room and she gives you the smallest smile when you crack some joke about how if Sarah's not careful, you'll oubliette her and fix her room up then bring her back and she'll have to start all over again. It's that smile that makes you see that she's worth it, no matter what, she is worth it. And as she politely tells you that you can stick your oubliettes where the sun don't shine because she's angry and she doesn't care, you smirk, because you realize that for Sarah to be angry, she has to feel something and Sarah feeling things means there's still some hope for her, it still means she's alive and that means the world to you, if nothing else does, if she doesn't anymore.

And then that day came, the day that signified it had been one year since you made Sarah promise to let you save her and you know, you know without even having to look at her, you know that you failed, you know that by the end of the day, she will probably be dead. You don't even bother to check in on her that night, you just crawl into bed and hope and pray that, when you go to her room in the morning to bring her to breakfast, she'll still be breathing, still be alive and that's the only thing that gets you out of bed the next morning but when you find she's not there you think you just want to cry, to die because she's gone, she's not there anymore, you failed, you failed her.

You see a note sitting on her bed you suck in your breath, thinking it's a suicide note, you pick it up but you don't want to read it, don't think you can bear reading the last thing she'd ever write… ever say in this world. But you do read the note and your heart skips a beat.

_'Jarey._

_Gone walkabouts in the Laby. I got bored. Be back around lunch, maybe. Don't wait up._

_Sarah.'_

And your heart starts beating again and the sun starts to shine for you again and your magic starts to behave itself again and you start to feel… happy again. You wonder at this as you leave her room, a smile on your face, the first smile you've smiled in a while…

You miss the writing on the other side of the note that reads '_You asked for 1 year, I gave it and all it did was destroy you too and now I'm stuck in this hell, living day by day just so you won't try to die too…how did it come to this?'_

Later when you do find that side of the note, it's as you're crawling into bed at night and you notice the little slip of paper on your bedside table. And as you read it, you just want to die because now you are hurting Sarah and you never wanted to do that, how could you do that? It never mattered that she was hurting you because if she was hurting you, you reasoned that maybe she'd hurt herself less, you never thought it would end with you hurting her and now it has and that just tears you apart in ways you didn't even know existed. How could you do this? How could you do this to _her?_

_Such a fool to think that I could_  
><em>Wake you from your slumber<em>  
><em>That I could actually heal you<em>

_Sleeping Beauty_  
><em>Poisoned and hopeless<em>

_Far beyond a visible_  
><em>Sign of your awakening<em>  
><em>Failing miserably to<em>  
><em>Find a way to comfort you<em>  
><em>Far beyond a visible<em>  
><em>Sign of your awakening,<em>  
><em>Hiding from some poisoned memory<em>

_Poisoned and hopeless_  
><em>Sleeping Beauty<em>

* * *

><p><em>R&amp;R my pretties! :D Thankies for reviews and things, precious. <em>


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